When the Smile Is a Lie: The Hidden Cost of Pretending You’re Fine
You handled it so well.
No, I didn’t.
I broke down in silence.
I lost my fire.
I faked my way through it with a smile that was more survival than strength.
Sound familiar?
At EmpoweredShe Rises, I see this in women all the time - women who lead, hustle, care for others, run businesses, raise families, make sh*t happen… while falling apart inside. And I have been there myself.
You’re not alone if you’ve ever been praised for your resilience while privately unraveling. We’re taught to wear the mask. But it’s time to rip it off.
Let’s talk about why we hide, what it costs us, and how to rise again this time, without lying to ourselves.
⸻
Why We Pretend to Be Okay
We don’t fake it because we’re weak.
We fake it because we were taught to survive.
• We learned early to be the strong one. Vulnerability was never safe. So we locked it down.
• We’re terrified of being “too much.” Loud, messy, emotional? That gets labeled dramatic.
• We feel like we have something to prove. To others. To ourselves. To that voice in our head saying, “You should be over this by now.” or “You’re not good enough.”
Pretending becomes the performance of your life. And it works, until it doesn’t.
⸻
The Cost of the Mask
The world sees you holding it all together.
Inside, you’re disconnected. Drained. Diminished.
• You forget what your real voice sounds like
• You numb yourself to avoid feeling
• You get used to over-functioning and under-receiving
• You keep showing up for everyone else but can’t find the energy to show up for you
The mask keeps you safe but it also keeps you small.
⸻
So, What Now? How Do You Stop Pretending?
You don’t have to burn your life down. You just have to start telling the truth.
1. Speak It - Even if It’s Just to Yourself
Admit what hurts. Write it down. Whisper it.
“I’m not okay. And I don’t want to keep pretending I am.”
2. Challenge the “Strong Woman” Narrative
You are allowed to be soft and still be powerful.
You are allowed to rest and still be worthy.
3. Start Listening to Your Body
Your body always knows.
Tension, fatigue, irritability, anxiety - they’re messages, not malfunctions.
4. Reclaim Your Regulation
Try these when you feel yourself shutting down:
• Box Breathing (4-4-4-4)
• Shake it out, stretch, or take a short walk
• Ground yourself with the 5-4-3-2-1 technique
• Use cold water or breathwork to reset
5. Find Safe Space to Be Real
Therapy. Coaching. Journaling. A trusted friend.
Your healing doesn’t have to happen in isolation.
⸻
You Don’t Have to Wear the Mask to Rise
The truth is, pretending might have gotten you here.
But it won’t take you where you want to go.
At EmpoweredShe Rises, I hold space for the messy, the raw, the rising.
You don’t have to earn rest.
You don’t have to apologize for needing support.
You don’t have to keep proving you’re fine.
⸻
Ready to rise without the mask?
Let’s go!
Start with the blog.
Join a coaching program.
Book your breakthrough.
Adrienne@empoweredsherisescoaching.com
Link in bio @empoweredsherises or visit empoweredsherisescoaching.com/blog
